


scarce to be counted/changing the chaos

by seraf



Series: fundamentally people [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Background Harukawa Maki, Character Study, Developing Friendships, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Introspection, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Platonic Relationships, Stargazing, Storytelling, Ultimate Talent Development Plan (Dangan Ronpa), suicide implication is only faintly there but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-17 10:56:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18963847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraf/pseuds/seraf
Summary: he wasn't expecting to find anyone else sitting on the roof.but kiyo has an appreciation for the stars that's completely different and parallel to his own, so even if he has to physically pull him out of his thoughts, they're going to stargaze up here.





	1. Chapter 1

‘ kaito? ‘ it’s shinguji’s voice, soft enough to almost not be heard over the thrum of the school generators up here. kaito rounds the corner, shutting the door to the rooftop behind him, and - sure enough, he’s sitting there, illuminated only by the dull glow of the streetlights below them. he’s perched on the edge of the low wall that forms a rim around the roof, hair over one shoulder and fingers nervously running through it. a repetitive motion, like he’s trying to calm himself. ‘ what are you doing up here? ‘ 

 

internally, kaito sighs for a moment, adjusting the blanket under one arm. of his classmates, kiyo might be one of the ones he’s least close to - kokichi is an annoying little shit, but they’re constantly clashing, at least. miu’s crass and loud and abrasive, but he considers her a friend, under it all. kiyo . . . if he’s honest, kiyo spooks him a little. he’s been afraid of ghosts since he was knee-high ( not that he’d ever admit it ) and kiyo . . . wraps himself in them. comforts himself with death. kaito looks to the future, and kiyo lives in the past, all stories of years and years ago. still, he grins at him, a confident, radiant thing. as ever.

 

‘ i’m here to stargaze, of course. totally cloudless night - perfect for that kinda thing. what about you, huh? ‘

 

kiyo looked over his shoulder briefly, tapping his fingers against the concrete where he sat, a restless irregular beat, like a compensating heartbeat. ‘ just . . . came up here to think, ‘ he says, eventually. ‘ if you’d rather i leave . . . ‘

 

‘ nah, ‘ kaito says, making a split decision. he lays out the blanket, shaking it out and setting it down in the center of the roof, before coming to sit next to kiyo for a moment.

 

shit. from here the drop really seems like a dramatic one.

 

‘ come stargaze with me. ‘

 

kiyo blinks at him as though he’s lost his mind, but his voice is still polite as ever when he speaks. ‘ . . . excuse me? ‘

 

briefly, kaito wonders if this is actually worth pursuing. he’s pretty sure the distance kiyo keeps from him is also intentional. but he’s started doing something, and the luminary of the stars always finishes what he starts. he flashes kiyo a grin, jerking one thumb over his shoulder. ‘ come on! you said you were up here to think, didn’t you? doing this always helps clear my head a bit. ‘

 

‘ i really don’t think - ‘ kiyo starts, but kaito is pulling him up from where he sits, and essentially just dragging him over to where he’s set up the blanket. christ, he weighs about the same as shuichi, and shuichi’s a solid half a foot shorter than him. if it were someone else, kaito thinks, he might worry about them. kiyo sighs, looking down at the blanket dubiously. ‘ you . . . aren’t going to let this go, are you. ‘

 

‘ nope! ‘ he claps him on the back, between his sharp shoulderblades, kiyo jumping at it and glaring at him a little, which he promptly ignores. ‘ besides. you don’t spend any time with any of us anyway. it’ll be good for you. ‘

 

kiyo’s expression, as much of it is visible behind his omnipresent mask, is a little wry, a little melancholy, as he moves to sit down on the blanket. ‘ as if you’d want my company even if i did make the effort. ‘

 

‘ what? ‘ kaito asks, completely blindsided by that. kiyo brushes a strand of dark hair behind one ear.

 

‘ nothing. ‘

 

still a little preturbed, kaito flops back on the blanket, one leg crossed over his knee as he lies back. he spares one last troubled glance at kiyo, who is also slowly lying down, before turning his attention to the stars. the familiar constellations, and the names of the stars in them, how far they are from where the two of them lie now, come to his mind almost instantly.

 

‘ . . . hey, kiyo. ‘

 

‘ yes? ‘ kiyo responds, still just . . . staring up into the void.

 

‘ you know a lot of stories and stuff like that, right? ‘

 

‘ a . . . crude interpretation of anthropology, but not an inaccurate one, i suppose, ‘ kiyo says wryly. ‘ yes. why? ‘

 

‘ what are some of your favorite stories about space? or the stars? i know the greco-roman constellations and the stories behind those, and some of our own myths. but there’s gotta be a whole lot more, right? ‘

 

there’s silence from the boy next to him. when kaito turns his head to look at him, it appears as though he’s lost in thought, bandaged hands crossed over his heart, brows drawn together.

 

‘ of course, ‘ he says, eventually. ‘ many different cultures associate stars with . . . often, they’re either part of creation myths, or associated with death and remembrance. ‘ one hand reaches up, fingertips tracing the lines between stars of a constellation. ‘ or both. one hindu creation story comes to mind -prajapati, who . . . i suppose could be considered the deity of time, or the first being, had several children, one of whom was the dawn. she lived on earth in the form of a doe. however - prajapati . . . desired her, so he took the form of a stag to seduce her, and pursued her when she attempted to run. the number of children they had varies upon the interpretation or the telling. ‘ his arms come down to clutch his shoulders. ‘ when the other gods discovered what had happened, they were horrified at prajapati, for committing what was seen as the ultimate taboo. they created a malevolent deity, a hunter, who chased prajapati down to the ends of the earth, killed him, and cut off his head, flinging it into the stars. ‘

 

his hand raises again. ‘ what we think of as capricorn - the deer’s head. ‘ his voice is mild, but his eyes still distant.

 

kaito is quiet for a long moment, frowning as he mulls that story over. ‘ and that’s one of your favorites? _why_? it just seems . . . bleak, to me. ‘

 

‘ i wouldn’t say it’s one of my favorites, ‘ kiyo responds slowly, as though he’s selecting each word carefully, individually. ‘ it’s just . . . one that stands out to me, sometimes. ‘ there’s a soft, breathy laugh from him. ‘ _kehehe._ you and my sister have a similar opinion on the matter. she was . . . never very fond of that story, either. ‘

 

‘ huh, ‘ he replied, not . . . quite knowing what to say to that. instinct, by nature, drives him, and something in kiyo’s voice tugs at that - feels not quite right. carefully, like approaching a wounded animal, he asks: ‘ you’ve mentioned your sister once or twice before. what’s she like? ‘

 

silence. complete silence - so much so that kaito couldn’t even hear kiyo breathing.

 

‘ . . . were it not for her, i wouldn’t be who i am today, ‘ kiyo says, finally, embracing himself again, arms squeezing himself tightly. ‘ she made my uniform - said that it was too plain for me, otherwise. she was the one who initially had an interest in anthropology, and who convinced me to pursue my own. she understood me in a way no one else ever did. ‘

 

‘ sounds like someone’s got a sister complex, ‘ kaito mutters, joking. he’s not prepared for the look of absolute _fury_ on kiyo’s face as he suddenly pushes himself to sit up, beginning to stand.

 

‘ shut _up._ ‘ he hisses, coldly through his teeth. ‘ you don’t understand. ‘

 

he sits up as well, quickly, holding up his hands like a surrender. ‘ woah, kiyo, chill, i’m only joking. i’m sorry. ‘ he gulps slightly at the daggers kiyo is still glaring at him, as though he wants to tear out kaito’s throat with his hands. kiyo turns his back to him for a moment, and kaito can see his back, and his fingers digging claws into his shoulders. it seems as though he’s talking to himself, murmuring something kaito can’t make out.

 

kiyo sighs, tension draining out of him, and lies back down, expression bleak for a moment. ‘ no, i’m sorry. i . . . overreacted. but - she is someone who is very important to me. i don’t appreciate her being mocked. ‘

 

 _not . . . entirely convincing me you_ don’t _have a complex,_ kaito thinks, a little uneasily, but he values his internal organs remaining internal, so he just nods. ‘ what about your parents? ‘

 

‘ they . . . for one reason or another, they were not around. sister raised me, for the most part. what about you? ‘

 

‘ my grandparents raised me and my little brother, ‘ he replies, with a bit of a sheepish grin, thinking of them fondly. ‘ i gotta lot of cousins, too, so there’d always be a few of them running round. they were all proud of me when i passed the exams, though my grandparents had to act like they were disappointed in me at first for faking my id. my aunt tried to make a cake shaped like a rocket, but the whole thing collapsed. still tasted pretty good, though! ‘

 

kiyo seems lost in thought, listening to him, and when he speaks, it’s suddenly, as though he’s doing it on impulse. ‘ what are some of _your_ favorite stories about space? not . . . from a folklore point of view, but - ‘ he gestures, slightly. ‘ your predecessors. the science behind the stars themselves, or the planets - things like that. ‘

 

he’s taken by surprise by that a little. ‘ huh. well . . . i guess one of my favorites has to be the voyagers. ‘

 

‘ those are . . . the interstellar space probes, right? ‘

 

‘ yeah, ‘ kaito says, and there’s a grin on his face as he gestures widely up at the sky spread above them. ‘ voyager one was the first human-made object to ever leave our solar system. the heliosphere is . . . think of it kind of like a bubble of solar wind, expanding out from the sun, right? the heliopause is the point in space where the bubble ends, almost - it’s stopped by the interstellar medium, the stuff between star systems. on august twenty-fifth in 2012, voyager one left the heliopause - it officially got outside the reach of our sun, almost. ‘

 

kiyo was watching him with an unreadable expression, and motioned at him to continue when he glanced over at him. ‘ voyager two made it out on november fifth of 2018. that’s what i want to be able to do, y’know? something historic, like that. ‘

 

‘ you would . . . be consigning yourself to a life in space, ‘ kiyo says, thoughtfully. ‘ would that be a problem for you? leaving everything behind for good? ‘ something like mirth gleams in his eyes. ‘ _kehehe._ in a way, it would be like dying, wouldn’t it? crossing into a final, uncharted frontier you have no means of returning from, only able to communicate with the living in very limited ways. ‘

 

‘ i . . . guess you could say that, ‘ kaito says with a shrug. ‘ but that’s never really how i’ve thought about it, you know? but - ‘ and he elbows kiyo in the shoulder, cheerfully ignoring the flash of irritation in the glare he shoots at him ‘ - i wanted to talk about the voyagers because there’s a part of them i figured you’d be interested in, you know? ‘

 

kiyo blinked at him. ‘ you what? ‘

 

‘ have you ever heard of the golden record? ‘

 

‘ i know what it is, ‘ kiyo says, and kaito’s face falls, just a little. ‘ but - ‘ he continues ‘ i’d like to hear about it from you, though, if you don’t mind. books are excellent, but there’s always a certain pleasure in hearing people speak about the things they know. it lets me learn about you, just as much as it does the subject. ‘

 

kaito nods - it’s a little unnerving, the way kiyo speaks, but he gets what he means. sort of. ‘ there’s a record on each, with content it took about a year to piece together. a hundred and fifteen images, natural sounds, music, greetings in fifty-five languages, laughter and footsteps, messages from the people involved, some of the latest or most relevant scientific or mathematical discoveries of the time. ‘ he grins. ‘ i think one of my favorite stories surrounding it is - they included a rock song in the music selection, and a lot of people thought that wasn’t right - they claimed that it was adolescent, y’know? and sagan responded by saying _there are a lot of adolescents on the planet. ‘_

 

 _‘_ like you, ‘ kiyo states, and if it were anyone else, kaito might think he was making fun of him. but his face was serious, thoughtful. ‘ you intend to be . . . a living golden record. humanity breaching the stars in a new way. ‘

 

‘ that’s the idea, at least, ‘ kaito says, pillowing his head on his hands. ‘ ‘course, i wouldn’t go alone, y’know? i’d have a whole crew with me. ‘

 

they sit in . . . oddly companionable silence for a few minutes, just watching the sky, when kaito nudges kiyo with his elbow again. ‘ your turn. ‘

 

‘ my . . . turn? ‘

 

‘ for another story about space! ‘

 

‘ ah, ‘ kiyo says, sounding a little bemused. ‘ give me a moment to think. ‘ he hums a single note, fiddling contemplatively with his pendant for a moment. ‘ there’s . . . one that reminds me of kokichi, to be honest with you. stories with trickster figures in them often do. ‘

 

kaito groans softly, but nods. ‘ is it a good story despite that? ‘

 

‘ _kehehe._ i would make the argument that it is a good story in part _because_ of that. tricksters play an integral role in most mythology. chaos is fundamental to growth. ‘ he gestures slightly, his voice taking on that almost thrilled rising tone it does when he speaks about things like this. ‘ a rabbi, david aaron, summarized it by saying _we have been dropped right into the middle of the stormy seas of daily living. we are confronted with the problems from within and without. and we are commanded to fix them and ourselves. the theme of life is precisely about embracing the difficulties of life and rising to the challenges._ the last line in particular . . . it seems fitting to you, almost. ‘ his tangent seemingly done, his arms cross loosely over his chest again.

 

kaito blinks slowly. ‘ i . . . won’t pretend i got all of that, but are you saying we need people who stir shit up? ‘

 

‘ yes, and no. there is such a thing as organized chaos, i believe. an obstacle created so that when it is overcome, the heroes emerge from it stronger than before. trickster figures . . . their job is often to find that balance. to create chaos, to induce growth, but without it being obvious what their true intentions are. because if their intent was clear, there would be no real motive to _overcome_ , yes? ‘

 

‘ and you think kokichi is . . . like that? ‘

 

‘ i do. consider all the times where his antagonism has brought the group as a whole together more, bound at least in our distaste towards his actions. he acts as . . . a catalyst, perhaps. i believe his intentions are, overall, good, but he has a very . . . roundabout way of carrying them out. ‘

 

kaito considers that, a bit of a grimace on his face for a second. ‘ kinda a charitable way of looking at things, seems like. ‘

 

‘ perhaps, ‘ kiyo acquiesces, with a tip of his head. ‘ i may be entirely off the mark. i study humanity, yes, but there will always be exceptions to every rule. it may be that kokichi really _is_ just malicious, and the effect on the group dynamic is sheer coincidence, but i . . . doubt it. ‘

 

‘ chaos theory, ‘ kaito realizes, suddenly. ‘ what you’re saying, it’s like - ‘ he gestures, vaguely. ‘ chaos functions predict things like the weather, right? everything kindafalls into patterns eventually. but the smallest thing, like a breeze or a small difference can, like, radically change the end result, even if the change itself was tiny. you’re saying that tricksters, or kokichi, or whatever - they’re trying to do that? to . . . be that sort of tiny change that shifts how everything is? ‘

 

kiyo’s expression is odd, looking at kaito as though he’s studying him intently, before nodding, turning his head to face directly up again. ‘ precisely, ‘ he says. he’s quiet, for a bit. ‘ kaito - you’re much smarter than people give you credit for, you know. ‘

 

kaito’s taken aback by it - it comes sort of out of the blue. ‘ what d’you mean? ‘

 

‘ both in the sense of the intellectual capacity that it would take to pass the astronaut exams with such a high score they’re willing to overlook the legal ramifications, and that . . . hm. ‘ he shifts a little on his back, searching for the words. ‘ people tend to call you an idiot for your optimism or your faith in others without proof, yes? ‘

 

kaito scowls at the memory. ‘ you don’t gotta remind me. ‘

 

‘ my apologies. but . . . in studying you, i don’t think it’s naivete - that’s a lack of worldly knowledge causing the optimism or faith, because one is too innocent to have experienced that the world operates under murphy’s law. but . . . in your case, it’s a conscious choice, yes? you choose to believe in people, despite being experienced enough to know that they _could_ betray you, or that things don’t always go according to faith or your intuition. ‘ his eyes are distant, stars reflecting off the yellow of them. ‘ i think that takes . . . courage, not stupidity. you would rather face the emotional fallout and rebuild from the ground up rather than live a life shrouded in paranoia to protect yourself from pain. ‘

 

kaito’s not . . . . really sure how to respond to that. or the idea that kiyo has been _studying_ him, but . . . it does resonate with him. he’s grateful for the idea that someone finally understands that he _isn’t_ just an idiot for going with his gut. ‘ uh . . . thanks, kiyo. ‘ the anthropologist inclines his head slightly in response. something suddenly occurs to kaito. ‘ but - hey, you never did end up telling that story! ‘

 

kiyo blinks, one hand coming up to cover his mouth as though to hide an expression of surprise, the gesture made almost comical by the fact that the lower half of his face is, as always, unreadable. ‘ i . . . didn’t, did i? we got off track a little. ‘ he clears his throat, slightly, as if to resettle himself.

 

‘ the milky way. there’s a navajo story that rabbit was commanded to place each of the stars carefully into the sky, one by one, so they wrote out the laws everyone had to live by. coyote came along, and first simply watched, but then grew bored of that, and asked if he could assist in the work. so, for a time, the two of them both sat there, carefully placing the stars one by one. but he grew impatient at that, as well, and when he saw a moment of opportunity, he took it, picking up the blanket that they had laid the stars-to-be on and flinging all of the remaining ones into the sky, without order or design, leaving them randomly arranged. because they were placed unceremoniously and suddenly like that, that is why there are some stars that are dimmer than others, or that have no name or constellation they belong to. ‘

 

he taps the bottom of his mask, thoughtfully. ‘ in one version of the story i heard, when he was asked about why he did that, coyote responded by stating that there were already enough sacred things to worship. in another, the storyteller stated that, though the others of the pantheon were angry at him, in the end - coyote _had_ created something beautiful, and . . . it was good that the laws weren’t written on the universe for everyone to see. it allowed for freedom. to grow and change. ‘

 

kaito listened to him, and watched him tell the story. there was . . . when he talked about this, his eyes fell closed, the harshness in his vision gone, and something about him . . . opens up, just a little. probably subconsciously so - kaito can’t imagine him doing it by choice.

 

‘ i see what you mean, ‘ he says, at the end. ‘ it does kinda remind me of kokichi. it all kinda comes back to chaos, huh? ‘

 

‘ mm. ‘ kiyo murmurs his assent, ‘ though . . . if you want a story about faith, i can give you that, as well. ‘

 

‘ maybe later, ‘ kaito says,and he’s surprised to find out that he actually means it, rather than a feeble attempt of dissuading him to avoid him. he’s got interesting things to say, once you get past the creep factor. ‘ i came up here to stargaze, remember? that’s what i wanna do. ‘

 

‘ my apologies, ‘ kiyo murmurs, placidly resting his hands on his stomach and shifting, subtly and slightly, away from kaito.

 

‘ hey,kiyo,‘ kaito says, after idly tracking an airplane with his eyes as it flies by, ‘what’s your favorite constellation? ‘

 

‘ does a singular star or planet count, if it’s a clear enough feature in the sky?‘

 

‘ sure, ‘ kaito says,with a shrug.

 

‘ well . . . my sister always loved venus. there’s something poetic about the morning and evening star, especially when - ‘

 

‘ not your sister, ‘ kaito interrupts. ‘ you’re talkin’ about what she likes as if that defines what _you_ can like, again. i’m talkin’ to _you,_ aren’t i? so tell me which one’s your favorite,not your sister’s. if i wanna know that, i can ask her myself. ‘

 

something unreadable passes over kiyo’s face, darkens his eyes. he takes a long, shuddering breath, as if to compose himself. ‘ i . . . don’t know, ‘ he says, a little flatly. ‘ that one’s also my favorite. ‘ it sounds . . . a little thin, especially seeing the passion kiyo talks about other things he cares about.

 

‘ you sure? ‘ kaito presses, just a little.

 

kiyo is silent.

 

kaito sighs, and then points up. ‘ mine is orion. ‘ he props the back of his head against his hands. ‘ always really liked that story, y’know? artemis kinda reminds me of maki roll. ‘

 

‘ . . . does that mean you see yourself as the tragic hero, then? ‘ kiyo asks, a little sardonically.

 

kaito scratches the back of his neck. ‘ i dunno about _tragic._ but you’re damn straight i’m a hero. why else would i have so many sidekicks, huh? ‘

 

‘ because you have a deeply-set compulsion to pick up lonely people you see as troubled and fix their problems by encouraging them to have more faith in themselves? ‘ kiyo replies, and kaito looks over at him. he can’t be sure, but he thinks, for a second, kiyo was grinning under the mask. ‘ as a theory, of course. ‘

 

kaito snorts out through his nose, and then gives kiyo what he thinks is a winning grin. ‘ wanna be my sidekick, kiyo? ‘

 

‘ absolutely not. ‘

 

kaito sighs dramatically, pushing his hair back with his fingers. ‘ i think you’re really missing out. guess you’re just not cool enough now to be the luminary of the stars’ sidekick. ‘

 

‘ i take back what i said about you not being an idiot. ‘

 

‘ hey! ‘ he protests. ‘ i’m not being _mean!_ ‘

 

‘ _kehehe._ i only jest. ‘ there’s . . . a warm note in kiyo’s eyes that kaito hasn’t seen before. though, it occurs to him, with a brief feeling of guilt, it’s not as though he’s ever been looking. something else occurs to him, as well.

 

‘ . . . hey, kiyo. what’d you mean, earlier, when you talked about makin’ an effort? ‘

 

‘ it’s . . . simple, really, ‘ kiyo states. ‘ you are unnerved by me, yes? ‘ before kaito can even respond, he raises a hand slightly, as if to tell him there’s no need. ‘ it isn’t an uncommon reaction. and so . . . that’s why i stay away. i have no wish to intrude, really. ‘ there’s a wry note to his tone. something like acceptance.

 

kaito huffs out a sigh. ‘ yeah, i guess, but it’s not really manly to dodge your problems like that, y’know? ‘

 

for some reason, kiyo seems deeply amused by that. ‘ i never claimed to be manly, kaito. ‘

 

‘ anyway, though. part of why you’re really kinda creepy is that we really _don’t_ know much about you. isn’t fear of the unknown a pretty human thing? it’d be nice if you could at least try, y’know? ‘

 

something sours in kiyo’s face. ‘ . . . i would make the argument that it works both ways, kaito. ‘

 

‘ what do you mean? ‘

 

‘ there are . . . hm. ‘ he fiddles with whatever that locket thing is, finding his words. ’ you have a way of dismissing a lot of the class, you know? i’m not sure how to describe it. but . . . i’m creepy, kokichi is a nuisance, tenko is a misandrist, gonta lacks intelligence, ryoma’s apathetic - and thus we aren’t really ever considered part of the group. i don’t . . . really believe that about those people, but i’m simply bringing up the idea that you, even subconsciously, might. i don’t reach out because at this point, i’ve concluded that it’s just illogical. i _have_ reached out, before, and tried to be a part of the group, kaito. but it was clear you just wanted me to leave. ‘ he shrugs, once, listless and expansive. ‘ so i did. ‘

 

kaito feels guilt sinking, just a little, under his sternum, fighting against his immediate instinct to say that that wasn’t true, that they were all friends. what do you say, to an . . . accusation? theory? like that? what do you say if you aren’t quite sure how much of it is true, yourself?

 

he doesn’t expect kiyo to be the one to break the silence.

 

‘ kaito. ‘

 

‘ yeah? ‘

 

kiyo’s brows are drawn together again, and he isn’t looking at kaito. this time, it feels pointedly so. ‘ . . . why _did_ you ask me to join you in this, tonight? ‘

 

kaito shrugs. ‘ i dunno. just a hunch, y’know? i just had a gut feeling it was the right thing to do. ‘

 

kiyo’s face, around his eyes, twists as though he might be smiling, but it doesn’t seem like there’s anything but bitter irony there. ‘ perhaps your intuition _is_ better than people give you credit for, then. ‘ he hesitates. ‘ i . . . did want to thank you. i didn’t expect this, but it has been . . . enjoyable. we have never talked much more than in passing. ‘

 

kaito nods slowly, taking that in. ‘ ‘course, kiyo! just hope you’ll be on my side next time when i say i’m just going off a hunch, yeah? ‘ something still makes him uneasy. ‘ what did you mean, though, when you said my intuition’s good? ‘

 

‘ it doen’t matter, ‘ kiyo says, dismissively, but kaito sees his fingers tighten where he holds onto his jacket.

 

for the second time tonight, kaito makes an impulse decision. ‘ this was pretty fun, but the light pollution doesn’t make it as good as it could be. ‘ he keeps talking, right on through the murmur of agreement from kiyo. ‘ there’s gonna be a meteor shower in like, three weeks or so. maki and shuichi and kaede and i were plannin’ on setting up in this one good spot i know a few miles from here. think rantaro, himiko, and tenko might be comin’ along as well. want us to make a spot for you? ‘

 

kiyo blinks at him.

 

‘ why? ‘

 

‘ what d’you mean, why? ‘

 

‘ why are you asking me to come with? ‘ his confusion seems genuine. ‘ i can . . . possibly understand your reasoning for tonight, because we crossed paths by chance. but . . . why this? ‘

 

kaito grins, shooting him a thumbs-up. ‘ well, you _did_ say my intuition’s pretty good, right? ‘

 

‘ ah, ‘ kiyo says dryly, ‘ so you’re operating on a hunch again. i suppose i set myself up for this. ‘ still, no matter how his voice sounds, there’s something thoughtful in his face. ‘ i’ll . . . see if i can come. i think - i think i would like to. ‘

 

‘ awesome! ‘ kaito says, enthusiastically, and tries to slap kiyo in the back or shoulder like he would to shuichi or maki to encourage them. given that they’re both lying down, however, the most he manages is an awkward sort of pat to kiyo’s shoulder that makes the anthropologist look at him like he’s lost it.

 

kiyo sits up, crossing his legs and looking up at the sky briefly. ‘ i think - i’m going to head back in, now. this was . . . longer than i intended to spend out here. ‘ there’s something that goes unsaid in his face, only just there. tired.

 

‘ yeah, sounds good, ‘ kaito says, looking at his watch and grimacing at the time. ‘ might just skip art in the morning. i’m not really good at it, anyway. ‘ with that, he stands, stretching as he does and folding up the blanket, slinging it over one arm again and heading back to the stairwell, holding the door for kiyo.

 

the other boy pauses for a moment, before speaking. ‘ you can’t. ‘

 

‘ what? ‘ kaito asks, bewildered, still holding the door.

 

kiyo looks down, and his hair hides even his eyes from kaito’s line of vision. ‘ earlier. you . . . said that if you wanted to know my sister’s favorite constellation, you could just ask her yourself. you can’t. ‘

 

kaito frowns, gripping the door handle a little uneasily, ‘ what do you mean? ‘

 

‘ she . . . passed away three years ago, ‘ kiyo says, like the words come painfully to him, like he has to pull each one of them out of himself like yanking out teeth. he doesn’t look at kaito. his shoulders shift a little bit, and hurriedly, he begins to descend the stairs. kaito mutters a curse under his breath.

 

‘ fuck. shit. ‘ he walks through the door himself, and calls out after the other, trying to jog down the stairs. ‘ shit, kiyo, i’m sorry, i didn’t - ‘

 

but kiyo is already gone, as though he managed to simply disappear.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is going to become . . . more of a set of stories, perhaps? of interactions between kiyo and kaito

‘ up here to think again? ‘ kaito asks - he’s a little surprised to find kiyo sitting on the roof again, but less startled by it than the first time he’d coincidentally run into him up there. shuichi is with him tonight - the forecast had predicted clear skies the whole night long. the detective certainly looks a little surprised to find kiyo there, when he follows kaito up the steps, but he just waves, with a little smile.

 

something in kiyo’s face softens, at that, ( presumably ) returning the smile under his mask, with a little twitch of his fingers in return greeting, before looking back to kaito. ‘ no, actually. i came up here to talk to you. ‘

 

‘ you what? ‘whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t that.

 

kiyo tips his head towards the moon - it’s a harvest moon, almost rivalling the streetlights far below as a light source, golden and haunting. ‘ given this, and the clear weather for tonight . . . i thought there was a chance you would come here again. however - if you’re already here with shuichi, i don’t want to impose. ‘

 

‘ i’m fine with it, ‘ shuichi says, with a little shrug, voice mellow. ‘ it’ll be nice to spend more time with you, kiyo. ‘

 

‘ then, not at all! ‘ kaito says, clapping kiyo on the shoulder, shuichi shaking his head with a little snort at his enthusiasm. ‘ come on and join us. it’s always better with more people, anyway. ‘ he looks over to shuichi. ‘ hey, shuichi! did i tell you about last time i saw kiyo up here? he’s one of my sidekicks too, now! ‘

 

he blanches upon turning back to kiyo and seeing the other boy’s glare.

 

‘ i will remove your spine and sell your individual vertebrae as novelty toothbrush holders, ‘ he says, dark energy almost radiating from a minute as he stands, eyes cold, before it evaporates and he walks over to lie down next to shuichi, who is biting down on his lip as he stares up into space, very clearly trying to hold back a laugh. the traitor.

 

‘ well, ‘ kaito says cheerfully, resting his hands on his hips with a decisive nod, ‘ i guess it’s more accurate to say he’s still considering it. ‘ he walks over and takes up the spot on shuichi’s other side, resting his foot on one knee and sprawling back comfortably, the three of them just . . . watching the stars, for a moment or two.

 

‘ kaito, ‘ kiyo murmurs, as though struck by a sudden thought, ‘ you mentioned before . . . when we discussed the concept of being a human golden record, so to speak. you mentioned that you would have a crew along with you, yes? if you were to choose anyone to be on that crew . . . who would it be? ‘

 

shuichi’s turning to him as well, interested - he hadn’t heard of this conversation, but he gets the idea. kaito strokes his chin for a moment, considering it. ‘ well, how many people am i allowed? ‘

 

‘ _kehehe._ i believe you would be far much more qualified than i to deduce the carrying capacity of a hypothetical deep-space shuttle, ‘ kiyo says, the rasp of his voice low with amusement, now. ‘ it is certainly more your area of expertise than mine. ‘

 

‘ alright, ‘ he says, nodding, ‘ how about . . . ten people, maybe. what are the goals of the mission? ‘

 

kiyo shrugs. ‘ again, you are more suited to choose the parameters of such a mission. but . . . the same as the physical golden record and the voyagers, i suppose. venture on as far as possible, and bring a record of humanity to whatever other life there is out there. ‘ he hums for a minute, contemplative. ‘ would you spend the years within the solar system or travelling through empty space in cold sleep, do you think? ‘

 

‘ maybe, ‘ kaito says thoughtfully. ‘ it’s still something that’s bein’ tested lately, y’know? but if sending a crew outta the solar system became possible, there would probably be accomodations ready for that sorta thing. ‘

 

‘ that’s like . . . stasis, right? ‘ shuichi asks, having listened quietly until now. ‘ that’s a thing in a lot of sci-fi, but i didn’t know it was actually possible. ‘

 

kaito grinned at the clear opening shuichi had left for him, albeit unintentionally. ‘ come on, shuichi! you should know by know - the impossible is possible. all you gotta do is make it so. and when it comes to things like this, you know i’m gonna be one of the ones to do it. ‘

 

‘ of course you are, ‘ shuichi says, with a fond sort of exasperation to his voice, and kiyo snorts softly on his other side. ‘ but . . . it was an interesting question. who would you want to take with you? ‘ he grimaces slightly. ‘ izuru seems like an obvious choice when it comes to skill, but he’s . . . ‘

 

‘ nah. not him, ‘ kaito says dismissively. ‘ like i said before, the most important thing for an astronaut is teamwork, you know? he’s the kinda person who would never be content working with anyone, whether they’re equal, or he’s a leader or subordinate. ‘

 

‘ and you aren’t saying this simply because he said that ‘it wouldn’t make sense to have a sidekick more talented than you in everything? ‘ kiyo asks innocently, and shuichi grins before immediately trying to swallow it back down, feigning a neutral expression as kaito scowls in kiyo’s general direction.

 

‘ of course not, ‘ kaito says eventually, with a huff. ‘ i’m pretty used to people not understanding my genius by now. but if i’m gonna be in close contact with ten people and _only_ ten people, in space, for the rest of my life, there’s no way in hell i want him to be one of them. ‘

 

‘ . . . you’ve got to admit, he’s got a point, ‘ shuichi points out, with a bit of a sheepish grin.

 

‘ perhaps, ‘ kiyo says, inclining his head. ‘ still. you haven’t picked anyone who actually _would_ be on your crew, though. ‘

 

‘ well, shuichi and maki roll would be two of my first, of course! can’t leave my sidekicks behind, y’know? they’re pretty helpless without me! ‘ shuichi rolls his eyes, but kiyo can’t help but see that it’s in an indulgent sort of way. he comes to the conclusion that shuichi . . . probably doesn’t really mind.

 

kaito rubs the back of his head. ‘ shuichi and maki, and . . . maybe rantaro? he’s really easy-going, and he’s got a lotta odds and ends when it comes to skills, as the ultimate adventurer. kazuichi from the 77th class, because we gotta have someone who’s good with machines around as backup, and i’m not sure i’d want it t’be miu. don’t tell her i said that, though. ‘

 

‘ don’t worry, ‘ shuichi assures him, as kiyo says, dryly: ‘ i’ll do my best not to bring it up during miu and i’s frequent gossiping sessions. ‘ to which he earns a bit of a side-eye from the other two, but it has no apparent effect.

 

‘ so that’s four people, ‘ kaito says, rubbing over his mouth, considering it. ‘ kirumi, definitely. she’s a real team player, and i think she can do just about anything. kaede’ll be good to have around for the whole ‘record of humanity’ thing - it’ll be good to have some art to show off - and she’s a pretty good group leader herself. maybe makoto or hajime. they’re both pretty normal guys, but they can be pretty damn smart when it comes down to it, and they both manage to bring together some pretty rowdy groups of people. the mediators, you feel? ‘

 

‘ so - i’ll count one of them, rather than both - that brings you up to seven, ‘ kiyo says, nodding thoughtfully.

 

‘ well, i’d definitely bring you, ‘ kaito says, after another second of consideration, ‘ and i might - ‘

 

‘ me? ‘ kiyo asks, cutting him off, one eyebrow raised in slight disbelief. ‘ why me? you hardly seem to get along with me as is, i would think i would have fallen in with izuru when it came to your evaluation of value on a space crew. ‘

 

‘ well, like i said before, ‘ kaito explains, easy and open. ‘ we’re like a human golden record or whatever, right? we’re bringing humanity out to the stars. and who would be better to have around for the whole . . . ‘ he gestures vaguely. ‘ summary? portrayal? of what humanity and earth is like than you, y’know? if we had to recount our history or what humanity was or anything like that, it’d be best to have you around for that. ‘sides, you’re pretty good with languages if i remember right, so you could maybe puzzle out how to act as an interpreter or something. ‘

 

‘ . . . i see, ‘ kiyo says thoughtfully. ‘ thank you, kaito. that’s . . . surprisingly genuine of you. i appreciate the thought. ‘

 

‘ of course! ‘ kaito says, before returning to thinking, grimacing for a moment. ‘ is it an option to keep some crew members in stasis even when we’re moving round as a group? because kokichi’s really smart and all of that, but i’m not sure i could stop myself from throwing the little fucker out of a vacuum seal if i had to spend forever with him. ‘

 

‘ i think we could arrange that, ‘ shuichi says, resting a finger on his chin as if contemplating it deeply. ‘ who’s the last person, then? ‘

 

‘ uhh . . . ‘ kaito begins, considering it, one side of his face scrunching up. ‘ gonta or gundham, i think. both of themcan talk to animals, which might be handy if alien language is closer to animal talking than it is to any human language. ‘ he scratches his chin, idly. ‘ probably gonta, to be honest. he’s pretty strong, too, and gundham weirds me out a little bit. ‘

 

‘ i like him, ‘ kiyo says mildly.

 

‘ you _would,_ ‘ kaito points out with a bit of a snort. ‘ didn’t he call you a harbinger of death? ‘

 

‘ yes. quite the compliment. ‘ kiyo says, hugging his shoulders, and from this angle, kaito can’t tell whether or not he’s being genuine, but it _sounds_ like it, which is . . . concerning. ‘ he has also compared me to various psychopomp figures. either one is fitting, i believe. ‘

 

‘ psychopomp? ‘ shuichi asks, propping himself up on his elbows a little to look at kiyo.

 

‘ ah! yes, ‘ kiyo says. ‘ a psychopomp is an intermediary between the dead and the living. the grim reaper would be the most classic example. they are typically . . . neutral figures. ‘ his voice sounds almost cheerful as he continues, ‘ death, inherently, is a neutral force. it bears as much moral judgment as does gravity. psychopomp figures . . . embody this. they do not judge the dead, simply guide them to whatever comes afterwards. ‘ one hand cups his own cheek. ‘ to be named as one is . . . extremely gratifying, to me. ‘

 

shuichi lowers himself from his elbows, but keeps talking to kiyo. ‘ because you try and remain as neutral as possible, as an anthropologist, right? ‘

 

‘ correct, ‘ he replies, voice oddly warm. ‘ i am glad to see that you remember some of my teachings, shuichi. do you recall when i brought up the idea of - ‘

 

‘ alright, ‘ kaito says with a slight clear of his throat, cutting kiyo off before they spent three hours on the roof at an impromptu anthropology lecture, ‘ so my crew would be . . . shuichi, maki, kiyo, gonta, kirumi, makoto or hajime, rantaro, kazuichi, kaede, kokichi - ‘ the name was accompanied by a grimace ‘ - and myself. not bad, i gotta say. ‘

 

kiyo taps his chin thoughtfully. ‘ is the purpose of this mission simply journey, or repopulation? because our journey would be, on a cosmic scale, very short-lived if we didn’t have some sort of plan for successors. though i suppose we could stagger ourselves - come out of cold sleep in pairs or so and rotate, to drag out the time. ‘

 

‘ well, if the point is repopulation, i think i’d have to rethink some of the people i’m choosing, ‘ kaito says, rubbing the back of his head. ‘ gotta bring a few more girls, for one. ‘

 

‘ _kehehe._ you are aware that of the list of people in your crew, those who have the capability of bearing children and those who identify as female overlap less than you think, yes? ‘ kiyo says, voice tinged with amusement.

 

‘ . . . you mean some of the girls can’t have kids? ‘ kaito asks, a little confused, and shuichi, for some reason, rubs the bridge of his nose.

 

‘ in part, ‘ kiyo says, inclining his head, ‘ however, a second part being that several of the men you selected are trans. this is not to say they have an obligation to be pregnant or that they ever would, but simply a statement that your view of things may be . . . a little simple, for the situation. ‘

 

‘ huh, ‘ kaito says, thoughtfully. ‘ i guess that’s fair enough. ‘ shuichi adjusted his shirt absently, looking back up at the sky. kaito scratches his jaw. ‘ when it comes to all that stuff . . . i’m doin’ my best to learn better, you know? ‘

 

‘ yeah, ‘ shuichi says with a little grin, ‘ like - it took you a solid month and a half into the school year to figure out that tenko was a lesbian, despite the venus symbol necklaces and all the . . . well, just . . . tenko being tenko. ‘

 

‘ i just thought she was into astrology or something! ‘ kaito exclaims, and gently shoves shuichi’s face when he sees the grin the detective is giving him at that. ‘ ah, shuddup. like you never thought anything dumb. ‘ on shuichi’s other side, he can hear kiyo laughing softly.

 

‘ it’s . . . good you make the effort to learn, ‘ kiyo muses. ‘ you’ve certainly come far from the beginning of the year. ‘

 

‘ did i ever apologize for that? ‘ kaito asks, propping himself up on his elbows to better be able to look at kiyo when he asks. ‘ cause if i didn’t . . . i am sorry. a man shouldn’t apologize too easily,but they also . . . gotta be able to know when they did something wrong, y’know? ‘

 

‘ i accept your apology, ‘ kiyo says, fiddling with the . . . jewelry? on his jacket. ‘ but, kaito . . . have you ever thought about the possibility that your deeply set views of what defines masculinity might be doing you more harm than good? ‘ he sets down his pendant, returning kaito’s gaze with steady yellow eyes. ‘ the truth is that there is no one definition of . . . ‘manliness’, to use your own diction. for example, in several ancient cultures, homosexuality was actually considered the peak of manliness. ‘

 

kaito opens his mouth, but kiyo doesn’t seem done just yet, shifting to his side to be able to see over shuichi better. ‘ you . . . seem to think that in order to be seen as a man, you need to repress your emotions, for example. that may . . . come to be to your detriment. ‘

 

‘ what do you know? ‘ kaito snaps, a little bit defensively, lying back down and glaring up at the sky, not even really seeing the stars. he feels shuichi shift a little uncomfortably, caught between them. ‘ just ‘cause you stalk most of our class doesn’t _really_ mean you know anything about me. ‘

 

‘ perhaps not, ‘ kiyo says, and there’s something almost . . . wistful? in his voice as he shifts to sit up, legs crossed neatly and sill looking skywards, running his fingers through long hair. ‘ but as an anthropologist . . . i know patterns in human behavior, kaito. nothing good comes from trying to act as though you are above feeling. ‘ he shifts, looking down, now. ‘ and . . . if you won’t take it from me as a scholar, i can understand that. but . . . if it’s better, take it from me as one of your peers, from personal experience. ‘ his tone is . . . neutral in a very calculated way, true intention and feelings impossible to read, especially with his expression hidden.

 

‘ what experience? ‘ shuichi asks quietly, as though a softer voice makes the edges of the harsh question softer, themselves.

 

‘ i would prefer not to talk about it, ‘ kiyo says curtly.

 

‘ isn’t that kinda being hypocritical? ‘ kaito asks, sitting up as well and giving kiyo . . . it’s a bit of a glare, but marred some by his confusion. kiyo always seems to be somewhere in his own world, half-lost in the swirling clouds of his thoughts. ‘ if you’re talking about how you shouldn’t repress shit, i mean. ‘

 

kiyo laughs, but it’s bitter and mirthless. ‘ _kehehe._ the idea that you should be more open to acknowledging your feelings is not congruous with saying i should be willing to share my traumas with people i have had no more than glancing interactions with. ‘

 

shuichi is sitting up now, glancing between the two of them with a troubled expression, worrying the corner of his lip between his teeth.

 

kiyo seems to realize the tension he’s created, and sighs heavily, gaze dropping away from the both of them. ‘ . . . my apologies. thank you for letting me share some time with you two. ‘ with that, he’s pushing himself fluidly to stand, brushing off the front of his uniform. ‘ i will leave you to it. goodnight, shuichi, kaito. ‘ and with a slight bow in farewell, he’s walking away to the door off the roof, leaving his two classmates staring after him, baffled.

 

‘ man, that guy, ‘ kaito huffs out, after the door shuts behind kiyo, rubbing the back of his head and trying to brush the whole thing off. ‘ i never know what to think with him, y’know? what a weirdo. ‘

 

‘ yeah, ‘ shuichi murmurs, but he’s seemingly lost in thought, brow furrowed.

 

‘ anyway! you wanna keep stargazing, shuichi? or - you’re sitting up already, does that mean you wanna go train instead? ‘ kaito asks with a quickly rebounding cheerfulness. he’s never seen someone lie back down as quickly as shuichi does in that moment.


End file.
